I just turned 30 this month. For one or two days everything was normal, till my feeling started changing, I could not sleep at night, and I kept thinking about my 20’s. Those days that I should do something better but I did not, to those opportunities that I could have grabbed but I did not, to those people that I should have loved more, but I did not. I started blaming myself for everything that I could do, but I did not!
For the first time I felt that I am getting old!!
Some people call it 30’s syndrome and probably I should call it the same, for two or three nights I did not sleep at all till I decided to write down all I achieved and all I lost in my 20’s. I always believe that once you write your thoughts, you would have a better understanding of what is going in your mind and there is a reason behind it:
Your mind loves to hid things from you
It was a long day because I wanted to list down my 20’s highlights, a few times I decided not to continue because it made me so angry when I was writing down my mistakes and, of course, I smiled when I was writing about good things that happened to me. End of the day I realized that my 20’s was fucking awesome because I made tons of mistakes, more than anyone around me and, also I achieved a lot.
Why did I write down my 20's?
Our mind always lies to us; basically, our mind selects those memories that he wants and then highlights them to us. Our brain is the most prominent lier ever; I will give you an example to understand it better:
People may voluntarily change their job because the current job is not making them happy or because the salary or position is not their desire or any other valid reason. Few people would regret after they spend few week or months on the new job and face some issues at work. They would start thinking about the old career, and tell themselves that I was happy, I was comfortable why I changed my job, and the really feel wrong about the current position. But, the fact is that, their brain is not telling them the truth. Their brain censors all the bad things about the old job and makes it all right to them.
In fact, our brain always censors our memories, sometimes just shows you the right things and sometimes just the wrong things. If you want to learn more about it I would suggest you read Solve To Happy it helps you to understand more about your brain and how it works.
The reason that I write down my 20’s highlights was to have bad and good memories together; I wanted to show myself that not everything was terrible and not everything was okay. Now I have a better sense of my life, of course, that I could do better on my 20’s but I would say past is past and now I am so happy that I turned to 30’s while I am caring lots of experience that I would try to use them wisely.
So after I listed down everything I noticed that my 20’s was fucking awesome, because I achieved lots of things and I lost so many things as well. Well, you may ask what could be remarkable about your 20’s when you already admitted that you failed so many things. You are right in a first look it would not be that great, but when I looked at it carefully, I noticed that I would not achieve anything if I would not make those mistakes and lose those opportunities.
For sure I could do better, but I did not, and I do not regret anymore because it is life and life is not perfect. I am still looking at the list, and I am kind of proud of myself, not because What I achieved but because of those mistakes that I made. And the reason is that I made those mistakes on my 20’s and I realized them, when I turned 30, and I am going to start my 30’s with lots of experiences that I carried up with myself.
Wherever you are, just pick a pen and piece of paper and list down everything that you regret or you think could do better or whatever you are proud of it. Be transparent as much as you can then read the list and stop on each item and think about it but do not blame yourself, accept it as an experience and move on to the next thing until the end of the list. Never forget that nothing is perfect in this world, we can be better, but we cannot be perfect.